To Love Again is Scary as Shit
Seriously, it is so scary that I’ve been celibate for 4 years since the birth of my daughter. My daughter was the best thing ever happened to me and I fell in love with her, however, the relationship with the Baby Daddy… not so much.
The day my daughter entered the world changed my life forever. It also changed my outlook on my love life. When I see my daughter as a result of a short-lived relationship, I told myself I would never settle for less because I wanted the best thing for my daughter.
However, it was the same moment I pushed love away out of fear that the same thing would happen again. Raising a child partnerless, loveless, and penniless was not an attractive sight or at least how I looked at it.
Ah, yes, not to mention the several failed relationships prior to the relationship with Baby Daddy. It was the same type of relationship over and over. I attracted emotionally unavailable partners and one of them was violent.
I was in a cycle of destructive relationships that tore me down emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. So, yeah, after I delivered my daughter into this world, I was fed up with love and became disappointed in myself.
I will not lie that I’ve few encounters with men after the birth, which I wrote about them in a recent blog “Increase Your Self-Value Before Getting into an Emotionally Unfulfilling (And Toxic) Relationships”, but fuck, they became worse to a point where I finally surrendered the control and fear to love again. I will share why shortly.
With my newly born daughter in my world, my life shifted. At that point, my life was all about taking care of my daughter, building a career as a Psychic Medium, and getting into those weird relationship experiences.
Two years forward, my spiritually based business was not making enough revenues, my relationships with men took a nosedive, my friendships changed and grew smaller, I was stuck with an instructional assistant daytime job where no one respects me as a ‘teacher,’ I was severe creatively blocked, and I was burnt out. Love was the farthest thing from my life at that point.
I knew love was somehow at fault but not that it affected my life. It was the LACK of love that affected everything in my life. It was the lack of love that made me distrust men that walked in my life. It was the lack of love that I did not raise my rates as a Psychic Medium. It was the lack of love that I allow people to disrespect me at my daytime job.
Most importantly, it was the lack of love in myself to ask for what I need in my relationships. Actually, the realization happened during an emotional session with a creative/business coach (by the way — the best decision I made for me and for love). The wall around my heart finally broke and past relationship wounds were finally healing after years of suppressing them in.
After grieving over the losses and feeling my hurts, I was getting clarity that I never had before. Love was missing from my life. I had to learn to trust myself again. I had to learn to allow love in. I had to learn I can raise my rates without fear of losses. I had to learn that I do not have to accept anything less. I had to learn that it was completely safe to say NO to men who do not make me feel safe emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Oh, fuck, it felt much scarier to say “NO” to a potential love partner. I meant, I recently had the courage to say, “NO” to a great man but he was in a ‘complicated relationship’ and I just cannot get into that world of complication. Afterward, the guy took it well and became distant as expected.
I would be lying if I felt great and confident after saying ‘no’. Internally, my emotions were a hot mess. I kept doubting my decision. After a while of going back and forth, I finally got over it and accepted that it was for the best.
I learned a lot from this experience. It changed my outlook on love because saying no doesn’t mean you’re saying no to love. You’re saying no FOR love. Love is not always rainbow, sunshine, and fluffy clouds but it was probably the first time I’ve said NO for love and it was a surreal experience to allow love in.
So, yes, saying ‘NO’ means losses, changes, and awkward conversations but it also means gains, opportunities, honesty, and love.
Saying ‘NO’ means I love myself enough to know that I deserve the best. It truly means not allowing complication, indirection, dishonesty, and confusion in but allowing love, compassion, and clarity in.
In actuality, saying ‘NO’ brings you ‘YES’ romantic partner, opportunities, friendships, career, and more love!
Start saying ‘YES!’ to allow love in! Say YES to what makes you feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel confident with your choice of a romantic partner, to choose the relationship to reflect your inner beauty and values, and most importantly, to feel safe with your partner.
For me, allowing love in means I unapologetically embrace the best version of me and trusting that I’ll find my ideal partner that reflect my radiant self.
So, yes, you can learn to love again. Nothing is scary than not having love in your life. Without love, the world becomes seeming harsh and lonely. With love, friendships are created, relationships are created, babies are created, a family is created, and unforgettable memories are created.
By the way, I’m also a Relationship Coach. If you can relate to my story and have difficulty finding your ideal romantic relationship, I have two open spaces for special ladies in my new intensive coaching program called “Manifest Your Love”. Have constant self-doubts? Lack of self-love? Repetitive ‘bad’ relationships? Want to be in a loving, supportive and healthy relationship? This is for you! Contact me for more details at email@example.com.