A Healer’s Path: Healing My Insecurities, Ego Fears, and Anger
This past week was super intense. So intense that my lower back was in pain for a long week. I carried a lot of suppressed emotions in my lower back. It was opening up and wanting to come out. I went back and forth- fighting and releasing the emotions. It was all my ego fears, self-worthiness, and anger. Lack of emotional support was the cause of my lower back pain for a long time.
On the day of Sept. 18, 2016 (999), I had two incidents that hit me in a major way. It was great lessons and confirmations that I am meant to be on the path I am currently on. A healer’s path. I struggled with my purpose for a long time. Both incidents occurred as the energy portal opened up on last Sunday. It shook me literally. In the first incident, I received a confirmation to my prediction about a fellow intuitive colleague. Afterwards, I was talking with my Spirit Guide, “Holy…! Holy…! Okay, okay, I get it! I get it! I get what you were saying. I understand now. I am on the right path.” It was beyond comprehension. I cannot believe it myself that it turned out exactly what I saw.
My body was shaking and I had to go out to distract myself. I was processing the conversation with my colleague. She told me not to worry because I was hoping I was wrong and I truly want to support her to go after her wish but for some circumstance, reason, or Divine plan, it did not go the way she wanted it to be.
Then, a powerful message shared by my colleague, “it was a healing experience for me. It was good after all.” A wave of relief came over me. I was utterly relieved that she received her closure and healing she needed for a long time. Yet at the same time, it was also a healing experience for me. The conversation healed me. I had a major issue with my purpose but my intuitive friend’s confirmation to my prediction healed me as a healer. Yes, I had a calling to become a healer but I also have my own insecurities and fears.
Second incident was a similar experience to the first one. I doubted my intuition a bit because I wasn’t sure if my emotions get in the way or not. I did not follow those little signs of intuition because as an empath, I truly want to give people a benefit of doubt. However, sometimes, you can only give too much benefit of doubts. (I am hesitating here.)… After an argument with a friend over missing critical information, which confirmed my visions some time ago, I’ve allowed my emotions took over and reacted that wasn’t helping both of us. Needless to say, my ego fears got the best of me and it triggered my lower back pain.
This experience also confirmed that I was exactly where I am to be. The argument with my friend escalated my healing. Although, it was uncomfortable but no healing experience was ever easy or painless. It was much harder and painful holding on those ego fears, insecurities, and painful memories. Both incidents were opening up what needed to be released. Naturally, the process of healing was intense.
The only way to make the healing experience easier was to accept it, acknowledge it, face it, forgive it, and let it go. I will not lie that I was avoiding facing it this week but today, I had a talk with my Spirit Guide, “This is not you. This is not how you hold your high esteem. You know the communication with your friend was not an effective communication. It needs loving, understanding, compassion, and healing.”
I hate admitting that it made me sad. It was not like me. I was not my true self. I was speaking from my ego fears. I’ve allowed my ego fears speak for me. I didn’t like who I was in that fleeting moment and made hurtful and hastily decisions.
A day after September 18, I realized it was a date reduced to 999. It was a powerful day for us all on conscious path and people, who are going through spiritual awakening. Although, I’ve been on a conscious path for some time, I, myself, also went through an awakening. It was also the first day of my intense healing. A healer also goes through healing. That might sounds like a paradox but great healers must go through healing process themselves in order to heal others.
Today I am sitting in the backyard on a hammock and typing my latest blog. Writing about my painful and uncomfortable experiences from last Sunday is healing me. It is a catharsis for me. Although, I’ve not speak with my friend but I am practicing kindness toward myself and allow myself to feel it. Laying still and processing the emotions. I am allowing myself to go through a healing experience without resisting it. I think I finally understand what the Spirit was trying to tell me. “You are a Healer. You’ve always been a Healer.”
Emotions are bubbling but it means I am releasing it.