Pushed down under the Waves
Walking toward the ocean, my feet touched the crispness and refreshing cold water. I gasped. The brisk water shocked my body. I did not want to continue walking into it but my instincts told me to do so. Bit by bit, I bravely walked in the shallow water. It was not cold anymore. Walked a bit more. My lower body was now submerged in the water. I looked up taking in the view. The water was shiny and bright affected by the ray of the sunlight. Sparkly water everywhere. Warm sun hit my face and body. By instinct, I needed to close my eyes with hands touching my heart. I took a deep breath. Inhaled and exhaled. Appreciating the lovely moment of warmth and nature. My arms and hands were spreading out to the sides. My head was lifted toward the sun. Warmness and the Mother Earth massaging all over my skin for a minute. I opened my eyes. The view was even more breathtaking. Waves were a bit rough, trying to push me. I jumped gently over the waves.
My instincts told me to walk even more further away from the shore. My middle and lower body was submerged in the sea. I felt vulnerable as I have no control over the waves. The waves were becoming bigger and bigger. Jumping over each waves that came through me as my legs swam in the underwater. The water never felt so soothing and calm. It felt quite delicious and lovely. I wanted to stay in the ocean forever. Softness and tranquility took over me. Floated lightly and allowing the water moving me. Cannot help it but to close my eyes and lift my head toward the sun again. Forgotten about the rough waves. I was lost in the moment for a moment. Taking everything in and the God created nature has to give me. Making love with the ocean and the Mother Earth. Floated lightly. Water was moving me gently. Completely lost in the love moment and silence.
The next thing I realized I woke up in the water. Water does not allow me to breathe. I panicked, my hands were scratching the water to open it. I cannot find it. I needed to find it. I need to breathe. Ocean was not kind to me as I was pushed down under the waves. My head hit the sandy bottom. My body was rolling uncontrollably. I cannot stop it. I cannot find the stop button. My hands and arms were waving floppily in panic in search to find a safe ground. I gasped for fresh air of breath. Salty water came in my mouth. My panic skyrocketed. My heart pounded hard. My body and arms were desperate to open the ocean for air. My thoughts went to negative place. My thoughts said, “I am dead! I am dead!” My body kept rolling along with the waves. It felt eternity being pushed and rolled under the waves continually. I thought I would never see the end of this water expedition. Suddenly, my bottom felt the sandy ground. “Yes! there it is!” Relief ran across my mind. I need to get that safe place. My palm was looking for the sandy floor and planted on the ground. I pushed myself up and out of the ocean to reach the air as my life depended on it. Head was no longer submerged in the water and my mouth opened at the relief of air. Oxygen never felt so good right now. Breathed in and out over and over. I gasped. I fell down on my knees and climbed toward the shore with all of my body and strength in panic for my life. I reached the safe shore. I collapsed with much relief and massive gratitude. Slowly, I rolled back onto my back. I breathed the oxygen few more times.
“Oh. oh, OH, Dear God, why do you forsaken me!? Why did you lead me to the ocean? Nothing was supposed to happen to me!?” I thought to Him.
Illuminating and powerful Light penetrated my eyes. I needed sunglasses to block the sting of light. My hands protected my eyes. He said, “Because Beloved One, you are thee chosen for this path of your choice. You shall be put through trails and errors to purify your Soul. Now the purpose of purification does not suggest that you Soul was filthy or covered with darkness but to continue polishing your Light even more brighter. You hold a glorified and powerful Light you have yet ashamed to admit and share.” His powerful and Love hand reached out to me. My body and hand was shaking profoundly. Shame came over me at his powerful Love. I felt I was unworthy underneath him.
I hesitated and said, “To kill me is not how I would succeed at purification!” I was angry.
“No, no, the intent was never to kill you. Your thoughts kill you. You know you were under the water for only 5 seconds. If you could hold on and pray with positive thoughts, clarity and answer shall come to you.”
“Here.” His sparkly white Hand was still lingering in the air awaiting for my acceptance.
Humiliation, shame, and unworthiness sneaked up on me once again. I pondered. I looked over the ocean and the sandy shore behind me looking for a sign of life or something. There was no one here. Confusion came over me as I was trying to make sense about what happened. I took another deep breath. Inhaled and exhaled. Clarity came back to my senses. I felt relieved. My logical mind questioned the giving Hand but my Heart craved for the Love and Acceptance.
“Yes, Love One, thou are the Love. It is You. It was always within you. Accept yourself as it is in You.” I forgot He could read my thoughts. Again, I felt embarrassed.
My body, Soul, and hand desperately wanted to grab onto His hand but my logic and fears were holding me back. Sticky and grimy matter of fears were holding me down. I tried with my strength to fight them off. My energy and focus was on fighting it. Suddenly, the Spirit called. A millisecond of time paused, everything was put on hold. The Ocean stopped moving. Powerful calmness came over me. I listened. As I was hearing and seeking for the underlying answer, a profound insight came to me. The insight was that I was always the Light. My Light was powerful and Love like His. With one touch, I could dissipate the darkness and fears because they were only illusion I created with my mind. With my mind, I could create anything. ANYTHING you can think of it. Therefore, I could easily create a magical wand to make them disappear.
Confidence came back to me. I remembered who I am. I looked down to my chest. Oh, there it is. My Heart and Light was pounding and emerging. Pounding and pounding as the Light was slowly spreading over my body, spirit, and mind. There I am covered in His Light of Love. I stood up proudly and confidently. Tranquility came over me. I turned around and looked down to the tiny matter of fears. With one finger out, I bended down and touched it. Instantly, it disappeared. I looked over to the sparkly white Hand. Smiling and reaching out with my hand touching His hand. Hand in Hand. Holding hands with beaming Light. No shame, humiliation, fears, and unworthiness could dare come near me as I stood right beside my God Father proudly. Right there, He reminded me once again how powerful I am.
“Please, my Love, be the Powerful that thou art. It is YOU. Do you not see it? With your Love and healing hands, you touch people all over the Mother Earth. With one touch, it dissolve the hatred, darkness, illusion, and negativity because you are my Light.”
The waves of the sea help me get back to me. -Jill Davis