I sobbed. I sobbed hard. I sobbed over the loss. I was overwhelmed with grief. A day after the Full Moon, I severed an intimate connection within a special and beautiful friendship. It was a long time coming. Sadness overwhelmed me. The outcome was contrary from my expectations. I expected relief but sadness and grief came after releasing a special connection. Yes, we remain friends which I am forever grateful but yet I feel..sad. Feelings and memories are flooding back again. Tears are coming out of my eyes once again just now. To think about the special bond and the loss of it is stirring up my feelings once again. It was incredibly hard but deep in my heart, I knew I need to do it because it was stressful and draining. I do not want to do it anymore.
I need to make a confession here. I started this particular blog few days prior with just a title but I wasn’t sure how or what to type. Instinctively, I knew it was coming very soon. Now I know. Yes, it was a premonition I had. I was waiting for it to come. There was an excitement but anxious at the same time. It was almost dreadful but I believed I was ready for that day to come. It came yesterday afternoon. It was no coincidence that it happened under the Full Moon which was all about releasing circumstances and people who were not for our highest and greatest good. At every Full Moon, I had a ritual of writing down my things to release on a piece of paper then burns it but this time, I hesitated. I didn’t know why but now I understood. I had to put in the actions which spoke volumes to the Full Moon.
In a sense, I’ve finally come to this point to stepping into my authentic self and preserving my rights to live my life stress-free. That was my major why I did it. I did not feel comfortable with continuing this particular relationship. I never did. Yes, it was my fault for not honoring my feelings and boundaries. I am a hopeless romantic and I hoped for something more but yet it had come to stalemate. However, after befriending a new friend recently showed me a different perspective, I realized I’ve not broke my pattern yet. I fell in the pattern blindly but ignorant. I thought to myself, “Fuck! I did not break my cycle!” It was a Divine nudge to be courageous to make healthy changes.
It was hard to be completely honest but necessary. Telling the truth is hard but telling myself the truth is the hardest because it means a loss. However, with every loss, you gain. It is just like a closed door but when one closes, another door will open. Like the saying, “Truth shall set you free.” I might not feel like that way right now but soon or later, my soul will feel lighter. I am still feeling a bit raw but I know this with confidence that I am preserving my rights. My right to live my life stress-free, energy sucker-free, drama-free, and bullshit-free. Preserving your rights are much more than just having a right to live but you mean so much that you deserve the best kind of love, honor, and respect.
You’ve got to be willing to lose everything to gain yourself. -Iyanla Vanzant