Today was strange. I sensed a threatening energy, trying to dim my light. My Spirit Guide was telling me that it was due to my increased vibrations. I also feel different from yesterday. Yesterday I was told to carry pink quartz stones to heal my heart after my friends revealing their masks and sadness about new journey I was on. Pink quartz stones were in my pockets. I felt amazing. I felt warm and fuzzy. It showed in my face and heart but today was different. I did not feel it anymore. I wanted it back. Why was it happening? Ah, my fear. Fear of Love.
Again, my fear was blocking the warm and fuzzy from hugging me. This new journey was extremely confusing. Too many changes within two weeks. Too much for me to understand or even decipher the meaning behind it. Everyday I got hit right and left hard. I couldn’t catch on my breath. Emotions riding a rollercoaster. Up and down. Up and down. I asked my Spirit Guide why were there so much sudden changes? He said, “Because you asked the Universe and gave them the permission to intervene with your life to align with your highest and greatest good. It’s all for the BEST you.” My thoughts and prayers were manifesting quickly. So quickly that I couldn’t believe it was becoming reality. Too much synchronicity going on. Too impossible to be coincidences at all.
I spoke with my new friend with hopes that the conversation will uplift my spirit but it was an emotional conversation. I realized what I truly need was to cry. We discussed about our special connection and familiarity. It triggered my emotions and I became an emotional basket. I couldn’t stop crying. Since up to now, I was so sure about where I was going or follow where the wind would lead me BUT for some reason this spiritual conversation confirmed my fears and showed me that my life took a detour. Everything I thought was going in the right direction in my path but it was leading me to a new direction. I felt sad and confused about few people who I thought for sure would make a permanent fixture in my life but they were there in my life for a reason to show me to a new door. I did not want to open the door yet because I invested my emotions and time in that no longer new journey. It was becoming my comfort zone but before I could become comfortable in it, I was pushed right out of it.
My new friend asked, “Are you afraid?” Yes, I am afraid. Afraid of love. Why? I believed my soul remembered the painful of losing a true love in the past life. I dare not to love one another than the one I was meant to be with. I refused to allow other to love me because my soul remembered the sadness and loneliness without my true love. I thought I found mine few months ago but now I am not sure anymore. Afraid? Yes, afraid of losing it again.
Oh, my Lord, I pray upon you to please promise me that you have a grand plan for me. My Lord, please protect me and guide me to my purpose. Please, Lord, help me see and understand that its okay to love again. Please show me signs. Just please help me find my strength to allow love in my heart… Amen.
My new friend reminded me, “Don’t forget. You are a Lightworker. Stay in the light.”
Nothing is beneath you if it is in your direction. -Ralph Waldo Emerson